How to Deal With a Backstabbing Friend

Steps

1. Ask if what you heard was true. Don't mention anyone who told you.
2. Ask them if you hurt them (emotionally) usually when a friend says something bad about you there is something more thanb just beang mean. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding.
3. Apologize. Even if you did nothing wrong, apologize for reacting with anger or simply for just what happened.
4. Tell them how you feel (be as nice as possible but don't sound desperate) make sure you are talking just the two of you and don't mention the person who told you.
5. If they ignore you just walk away. leave time to simply cool off and reserve the talk for another time.
6. Be willing to forgive. Let go of any anger and try to focus on the good things about your friends. He or she will come around.
7. Ask their side of the story. Don't ask a specific questions, simply about what happened. Listen attentively. Then tell them your side of the story. Keep a calm and steady voice. Make sure not to make your statement into accusations. Remember, everyone deserves a chance. Ask them how they felt about it. Then, talk about how their actions made you feel. Tell them that no matter what, nothing will come between you and them, and mean it!. Ask them what they need from you. This may vary, depending on the situation. Then, using an I-statement, (shown in tips)tell them what YOU need from THEM. Ask nicely and be flexible. Be ready to meet both needs. This is where the resolution begins. You begin understanding each other and the situation. As you hear similar needs from each other, the dfferences are put aside and you are able to work things through. Brainstorm, together, a few, or as many, ideas of how your situation may be resolved. Try your hardest to meet both needs. There may be room for negotiation and/or compromise. Be ready to give up a part of your needs in turn for making the both of you happy. Tell them how you feel about the decision and ask them if they are content with it as well.
8. Talk over any firther disagreements and other obstacles.

Tips

• Try to sound understanding when you talk.
• Don't interrupt them.
• Be alone with them NOT in front of their friends or in the hall.
• Don't mention any names of people that told you what they heard because then you will look like a spy.
• Be kind.
• Don't text or e-mail them where they would show everyone.
• Give it time. Time solves, many many things and time heals hurt feelings.
• Be completely honest.
• Do not seek revenge! Whether it was gossip or however they came behind your back, do not stoop to their level. Forgive, forget, and move on!!!
• I-message----I feel _____ when you _______ and I need for you to _______.
• Slowly build back trust. Do not let these wounds stay forever and block ability to share secrets, etc. Try once more and give them another chance if you are merciful.

Warnings

• Do not seem desperate.
• Do not interrogate them